At this stage in my life, almost 30, I'm surrounded by new babies and baby announcements and lots of pregnant friends. It's hard to walk down the road of infertility a lot of the time. I am so excited for these women and so incredibly grateful that God has blessed them with a precious little life. The challenge I put on myself to pray for women I know who become pregnant while I'm still trying to get pregnant has been difficult but also liberating. It's wonderful to know that I can still find joy even when it hurts so incredibly bad that it's not me that's pregnant - again.
This morning as I was scrolling through Facebook, I saw 4 birth or pregnancy announcements. Facebook can be the devil in disguise when it comes to infertility. I think it's most difficult when, in the time we've been trying to conceive, a few friends are now announcing the pregnancy or birth of their second children. And it hits hard. The why me's or why nots or what the heck is wrong with me questions surface in an overwhelming way.
This week we finally got referred out to an RE (Reproductive Endocrinologist). We meet with him on September 20 and I'm optimistic about any new approach or avenue we haven't considered yet. The initial idea of being referred to a specialist rocked me. I was so frustrated that I had to go to somebody who specialized in me not being able to get pregnant. Maybe it shouldn't have frustrated me. I'm not frustrated with my doctors because I know they are doing all they can for me, I'm just frustrated with my body. If there is nothing wrong, why the heck can't I get pregnant? What the heck is the problem, right? But I've calmed down a little and come to an acceptance and I'm eager to hear what this new doctor at Austin Fertility Institute has to say and learn from him and his team.
Until then, as always, my verse:
Psalm 113
Praise the Lord.
Praise the Lord, you his servants; praise the name of the Lord.
Let the name of the Lord be praised, both now and forevermore.
From the rising of the sun to the place where it sets, the name of the Lord is to be praised.
The Lord is exalted over all the nations, his glory above the heavens.
Who is like the Lord our God, the One who sits enthroned on high, who stoops down to look on the heavens and the earth?
He raises the poor from the dust and lifts the needy from the ash heap; he seats them with princes, with the princes of his people.
He settles the childless woman in her home as a happy mother of children.
Praise the Lord.
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