Sunday, September 23, 2012

Tough Choices Ahead

Well, we met with a fertility specialist on Thursday of last week. It's taken a while to absorb everything we talked about enough to write about it.

Going in to the appointment, I was nervous, scared, upset, skeptical; but, we went anyway. After trying for 3 years, it couldn't hurt at this point, right? Bryan came with me, so that was comforting. Our new RE, Reproductive Endocrinologist, is not happy with the results or lack of results with Clomid. He told us that after this cycle, if we do not become pregnant again, I will have to have outpatient surgery. The procedure is called a laproscopy and they will stick a camera through my abdomen to see if there is any endometriosis or other factors that are causing me to have trouble getting pregnant. He's not satisfied that it's "unexplained infertility" and wants to get to the bottom of the problem as quickly as he can. While I'm not super excited about having surgery, I understand the necessity of it and I'll go in with a smile on my face. This would mean being on birth control for a full cycle so that they can do the procedure successfully without stopping a pregnancy, etc. Prior to the surgery, he said that I will have a gamut of tests run with acronyms that I can't remember at the moment. After surgery, and this is all hypothetical, we would have the options of an IUI that comes with a price tag of $1500 or IVF, which comes with a slightly higher price tag of $11K. I told the doctor that even though I enjoyed meeting him, I really hoped that being there scared a baby Reno into existence and that we never have to see him again - we all got a good laugh. :)

We are still praying fervently that God will bring us a baby and we know that He has the power to do just that. We would love for you to pray with us.

Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.
Romans 12:12

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Baby Love

I absolutely love babies, but I mean, who doesn't? They are so precious!

At this stage in my life, almost 30, I'm surrounded by new babies and baby announcements and lots of pregnant friends. It's hard to walk down the road of infertility a lot of the time. I am so excited for these women and so incredibly grateful that God has blessed them with a precious little life. The challenge I put on myself to pray for women I know who become pregnant while I'm still trying to get pregnant has been difficult but also liberating. It's wonderful to know that I can still find joy even when it hurts so incredibly bad that it's not me that's pregnant - again.

This morning as I was scrolling through Facebook, I saw 4 birth or pregnancy announcements. Facebook can be the devil in disguise when it comes to infertility. I think it's most difficult when, in the time we've been trying to conceive, a few friends are now announcing the pregnancy or birth of their second children. And it hits hard. The why me's or why nots or what the heck is wrong with me questions surface in an overwhelming way.

This week we finally got referred out to an RE (Reproductive Endocrinologist). We meet with him on September 20 and I'm optimistic about any new approach or avenue we haven't considered yet. The initial idea of being referred to a specialist rocked me. I was so frustrated that I had to go to somebody who specialized in me not being able to get pregnant. Maybe it shouldn't have frustrated me. I'm not frustrated with my doctors because I know they are doing all they can for me, I'm just frustrated with my body. If there is nothing wrong, why the heck can't I get pregnant? What the heck is the problem, right? But I've calmed down a little and come to an acceptance and I'm eager to hear what this new doctor at Austin Fertility Institute has to say and learn from him and his team.

Until then, as always, my verse:
Psalm 113
Praise the Lord.
Praise the Lord, you his servants; praise the name of the Lord.
Let the name of the Lord be praised, both now and forevermore.
From the rising of the sun to the place where it sets, the name of the Lord is to be praised.
The Lord is exalted over all the nations, his glory above the heavens.
Who is like the Lord our God, the One who sits enthroned on high, who stoops down to look on the heavens and the earth?
He raises the poor from the dust and lifts the needy from the ash heap; he seats them with princes, with the princes of his people.
He settles the childless woman in her home as a happy mother of children.
Praise the Lord.