Infertility sucks...

Infertility is a hard road to walk down. I couldn't imagine trying to walk that road without the friends and family God has placed in my life. For that matter, I couldn't imagine doing this without a firm relationship with my heavenly Father. The relationship isn't perfect. I scream at Him. A lot. I cry to Him more than you know. I question Him daily on why His way has to be so hard. But, at the end of the day I trust Him and I know that His plan is supremely better than my plan ever could be.

We had somewhat of a "3-Year Plan". Get married, be "free" for 2 or 3 years, have fun, and then try to get pregnant when we were ready. This has proved to be somewhat tricky. We've followed our own plan instead of abiding in God's plan. I always thought it would be easy to get pregnant, we'd just try for a few months and it would happen - not the case. Sometimes you hear women say, "oh, my husband can just look at me and I get pregnant", or "just have a few cocktails, that's how I got pregnant". I know they aren't trying to be hurtful, that's their experience and they are so very blessed to have it that easy. For some of us though, fertility seems like the hardest task on the planet. Add to that the fact that you have absolutely no control over it and it's even harder. 

Here's our story: For the past 3 years, Bryan and I have been trying to get pregnant. We started a few months before our adorable little nephew was born in September of 2009. When we have been overwhelmed, we've taken a few months off here and there or just not put as much focus on it but in total, it's been 3 years. We finally went to the doctor in January of this year for help. It's not easy for me to ask for help so this step was monumental. Our doctor advised us to try for 2 more months and then we would start a fertility drug called Clomid. In March, after failing to conceive, we accepted this as an option after much thought and prayer and have been using that every month since then as a fertility aid - even more monumental. We've been on the drug for 4 months now and this past time, we thought it had worked it's magic and I was in fact pregnant. I'm never even a day late and this cycle, I am now two weeks late, however, we are not getting a positive test at home. I have a call in to my doctor and I'll keep you all updated on this journey we are going through. I don't have high hopes though as we keep getting negative tests. I do know though that when we do have a child, whether naturally or through adoption, if it comes to that, it will be the sweetest day and the blessing will feel that much bigger. 

This is what we're learning: Our lives aren't our own and apart from God, we can do nothing. 

Learning from these verses today:

In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps. Proverbs 16:9 

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5-6


A good quote:
Perhaps strength doesn’t reside in having never been broken, but in the courage required to grow strong in the broken places.  - Unknown