That's pretty scary to me. I know that the surgery is minimally invasive and that I'll be fine in just a few short days, but, man, I'm terrified. I go in Thursday for me pre-certification appointment and to talk about the surgery more. I fully trust that God has this under control and that He's put me in this doctor's hands for a reason. Next week, if all is good, I'll go in for my pre-op and then have my surgery on Friday, the 19th.
I didn't really let myself think about the surgery because I was so hoping that we'd finally be pregnant this month, but God has bigger and better plans for me and Bryan. We know that He knows what He's doing and we pray that we focus on what He's teaching us through this instead of just being so overwhelmed with the valley we're in.
We've started looking into and praying about adoption and what that would look like for us and what children God is calling us to love on. This will be a step we take whether we have a child of our own, we just aren't sure what that looks like yet. It is weighing pretty heavy on both of our hearts and we feel confident that this is a calling that God has on our lives. That thought absolutely terrifies me. I can say it so calmly, but inside, my heart is racing; my mind is racing. Do I have the capacity to love an adopted child as much as I would one of my own? What if the child we choose doesn't love us? Will we be good examples of Christ to this child? Will we be good parents? I could keep going, but I won't because God knows my thoughts and my fears and He will calm my heart and show us what His will is. We are seriously praying that we aren't filling in God's gaps, but that we are obeying a calling.
A song I love right now: You Are Able by Christy Nockels
Verse:
We take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.
2 Corinthians 10:5
